Author Archives: K

How to improve your conversion rates for SaaS users in 3 minutes flat

3 minutes, seriously.

Here’s an example (https://blog.evernote.com/blog/2017/02/10/5-simple-ways-productive-evernote-phone/) of how Evernote uses a value education blog post to increase the conversion rates of:
– non-users to free users
– free users to premium users
– premium users thinking of cancelling to premium users who aren’t

Evernote has stacks of blogs like this, which they can send out as emails too. Evernote understands that their users don’t necessarily understand the full value of their software, even though it’s quite simple to use (just like your software too Ill bet)

So, in 3 minutes, here’s how you can implement this too:

Option A:

Send a link to this blog post you’re reading straight to an employee and tell them to make a blog post/email for you guys similar to how Evernote did and send it out to a list of your subscribers, easy peezy (if you still desperately want to micromanage your business, tell them to send you a copy before they publish it, but it’s probably not necessary). You can spend the remaining 2 minutes and 50 seconds admiring yourself in the mirror if you wish.

Option B:

1. Spend 60 seconds thinking of 4 ways users could get more out of your software, perhaps features that are under-utilised, or things to do with the software that are under-utilised (feel free to also just delegate this to a staff member)
2. Spend 110 seconds writing the bare bones of the post
3. Spend 10 seconds copying and pasting what you’ve written, plus the following message, and email it to a staff member/indentured servant:
“Dear valued employee,
Please edit this for any spelling or grammar mistakes, fix up the formatting, change the font to one you think is cool, find some cool image to add to it, flesh out whatever you think needs fleshing out and then go ahead and publish it,
Lots of Love,
Your Boss”

You might think that your Software is so easy a blog like that would be redundant, but if Evernote does it, maybe it’s worth doing too. I’ll give another example of why stuff like this is important.

I had a friend who had played this video game called Oblivion for about 100 hours. This game was famous at the time for having one of the largest maps in Video Game history. It was only after these 100 hours did he have a conversation with a friend where he realised that the “fast-travel” feature existed, where you could just teleport from one side of the map to the other, without riding your horse there.  And my friend is not a pleb when it comes to video games, so if he didn’t know that, imagine everything your users don’t know about your software!

So, anything your users seem confused about or perhaps aren’t fully taking advantage of yet that you could allocate 3 minutes of precious time to?

After you do the first one, you’ll be way more likely to make another and another until your users are getting so much value out of your services they form protest rallies when you threaten to close down. Enjoy!

How to quickly find an apartment in District 1 of Saigon

Finding anything in Saigon is a pain in the ass, but with this method you’ll be able to find a decent studio apartment within a couple of afternoons.

You’re unlikely to get a particularly flashy place or a particularly cheap place ($250-$350 USD/month is about the price range), but for apartments in District 1 it goes fairly well and the nightmare scenarios you hear about, where a landlord totally fucks over a tenant, is less of a common story here.

First thing is just to show up to 18a Nguyen Thi Minh Khai in District 1 (here: https://goo.gl/maps/YFsrmZZTFE22)

Then walk up and down the alley and knock on the doors which have the “room for rent” sign on them.

Half of the places will say they are actually full and they merely have the sign there because… reasons.

For the ones that do have a room for rent, whoever is there will probably show you around the room even if they don’t speak english.

You will want to check that:

– the water is hot
– the air conditioner works
– the bed is decent
– the wifi is fast (get the wifi password and load a youtube video on your phone to see how quickly it loads)

Then when they call the landlord’s son on the phone to speak with you, ask them:

– if you can park your scooter here or not
– how often the maid cleans the room and does laundry
– if you can use the kitchen downstairs
– how much the rent is
– how much the rent actually is when you include all the extras
– what the security deposit is (hopefully nothing)
– what the “rules” are
– if you’re allowed to have a “friend” stay overnight (many won’t allow it, especially if the friend is Vietnamese and thus will ruin any hope of a sex life you foolishly envisioned)

Then once you’ve found like 3 places that are good, meet with the landlords one at a time to ask the same questions you asked the son, discuss anything further with them and look at the housing contract, then say you need to talk to your Dad or whatever and don’t agree to anything.

Then whichever Landlord feels the least likely to be a pain in your ass is your best bet.

But expect to have your first experience be awful, because anything they tell you is unlikely to actually be true. So if you can avoid paying a security deposit that would be great, then you can just move out and move in somewhere else, which is what I did.

I’ve been living in the same building for over a year now and it’s been pretty good so far.

How to avoid getting sweaty and sticky in Saigon

I used to hate how hot and sweaty and sticky and disgusting I’d get every day in Saigon merely by walking outside for more than 5 minutes. Now I don’t experience this very often at all, despite the weather perhaps being even worse now.

These are my secrets for avoiding feeling sweaty and sticky in Saigon

Secret #1: Baby Powder

You want to put baby powder everywhere, and by everywhere I mean EVERYWHERE, and by EVERYWHERE I mean your balls, buttcrack, lower back, armpits and anywhere else that collects sweat.

You can buy baby powder at any convenience store and you can easily test it’s effectiveness by putting baby powder on only one armpit one day and seeing what the difference in sweat is by the end of it.

I don’t go outside for more than 5 minutes without putting baby powder on.

Secret #2: Proper clothing

Black denim is about the dumbest possible thing you can wear in Saigon, and I would know, since that’s what I used to wear all the time.

Denim is one of the thickest fabrics, you want cotton instead which is far cooler and lets the air come through. Chinos are generally made from cotton. If you don’t own any non-denim pants then get your life together. Go down to a tailor and get them to make you the best fitting pair of pants you own for less than you’d pay for the cheapest trousers at Target.

Same goes with shirts, cotton is your best bet.

In terms of colours, what do you think?

Yep, black is the worst, you’ll want lighter colours instead. White is the best, but how on earth anyone keeps white clothes white is beyond me, so if you’re a rookie like me, just go any lighter colour.

For shoes, the more surface area it covers, the worse. With a motorcycling boot being about the worst you could do, and something like loafers or boat shoes or volleys being the best.

If you want to wear the Vietnamese rice farmer’s hat too to provide yourself some shade, go ahead, set a trend.

Secret #3: Shower 3+ times a day

Because why the hell not.

Secret #4: Be a snob about where you go

If it’s not in District 1, do you really need to go there? Really? It seems highly suspect that anything important is outside the District in which I live.

And if the restaurant or bar a friend invites you to doesn’t have air conditioning, simply refuse to go. That friend clearly doesn’t like you much and it was about time you ditched the toxic relationship anyway.

Your next actions:

– Go to your nearest Circle K or Family Mart and buy baby powder and apply it under one armpit just to see how big of a difference it makes (huge)
– Start showering 3+ times a day
– Put all your black clothes, denim clothes and other thick-fabric-terribly-hot clothing in a bag, if after a month you don’t use any of it, burn it.
– Message your friends asking which tailor they’d recommend and go down to get yourself some stylish cotton clothes then take photos to add to your tinder profile
– Block all your friends on Facebook who have ever recommended you go somewhere that didn’t have air conditioning

Becoming Super-focused with Modafinil in Ho Chi Minh City

 

 

MY EXPERIENCE WITH MODAFINIL

One morning I woke up and decided if I was serious about increasing my productivity then I should at least experiment with one of the smart drugs I’d heard entrepreneurs talk about.

Figuring that I wouldn’t be able to import any of the popular smart drugs into Vietnam, where I was living, I messaged my Vietnamese friends asking what drugs the students here use to stay focused.

One of the responses was “meth”

Another of the responses was “Modafinil”

I first heard about the wonder-drug “Modafinil” (also called Modalert) from this blog: “How I Became Mighty With Modafinil”

In the blog he likens Modafinil to the NZT drug in the movie: “Limitless”, increasing focus, motivation, energy and productivity to achieve your goals. Having watched Limitless at least twelve times, I was very keen to try it out.

The only experience with nootropics or “smart drugs” I’d had prior to this was by experimenting with Piracetam, a drug that did literally nothing for me. Like, even taking four times the recommended dosage had no noticeable effect at all.

My Vietnamese friend, who I met through doing standup comedy together, said not only did he know where I could buy Modafinil, but he actually had some that he could sell me and would even offer me two pills for free just to try it out.

Most standup comedians take drugs, but not to increase their productivity.

And so at our next comedy show, whilst the other comedians were smoking weed and swapping notes on where to get real ecstasy and the benefits of Valium vs Xanax, I got Modafinil from my friend and discussed the finer points of increasing your productivity through it’s usage.

At 11am the next day, on an empty stomach, I took 100mg of Modafinil (half a pill)

My expectations were… that it wouldn’t work. That it’d be like Piracetam and every other “Amazing” life hack you hear of: total bullshit.

But about half an hour later I figured it had probably kicked in as I gradually felt more alert and more motivated to get stuff done today.

Five hours later I still felt alert and still felt motivated to get stuff done.

It was that feeling you get on some mornings where you just really want to dig in and you’re itching to work on some project… but instead the feeling lasts for hours.

I raced through project plans for creating a blog, set it all up, filmed and edited some great videos and went through my to-do list ticking off stuff I’d been putting off for ages.

It was probably the most productive day I’ve ever had in my entire life. And this was in spite of having slept terribly the night before, as I was up until 2am, which would ordinarily have totally destroyed any chance of being productive. And shit, even if I had slept well, the likelihood of me getting anything important done after lunch is incredibly low. I’ve perpetually been confused by people who say they work for 8 hours a day, I don’t think I’ve ever actually worked for that long before, even when I worked 9 to 5, as at least half that time is spent reading emails you don’t really have to read, having meetings you don’t really need to have, editing documents that don’t really need editing and just chatting to colleagues.

After Modafinil wore off… nothing, there was no come-down, I just felt like I’d have felt ordinarily at that time of day.

I decided that I would take Modafinil every time I woke up feeling like shit, which was once or twice a week at the point, and would otherwise probably get nothing done anyway.

I soon amended this to just taking Modafinil basically every day.

I don’t know how I lived before this.

The long-term side effects of taking Modafinil regularly… aren’t known. I don’t think there have been any scientific studies on the long-term effects of using Modafinil because it’s still so new and from internet land the only people reporting particularly bad side-effects are from those who took 200mg or 400mg or mixed it with other drugs. Everyone taking 50mg or 100mg like I had been just reported minor stuff like headaches when they first took it and being disinterested in sex for the next several hours but it otherwise largely just working as advertised. So far I haven’t had any bad experiences, and as of writing this blog I’ve been taking 100mg daily for about two weeks.

The canary in the coal mine is everyone else taking Modafinil regularly for years who still aren’t reporting negative effects despite a blog post on the subject being likely to go viral amongst the smart drug user community.

I intend to continue using Modafinil daily and I’m in love with the results so far.

WHERE TO GET MODAFINIL IN HO CHI MINH CITY

I get Modafinil from my friend, who gets it from… somewhere, presumably. I recommend you also ask your friends if they know anyone who can set you up and maybe even give you a free sample. I can’t vouch for any of these other places personally, so I suggest you do your own research.

Modafinil Viet Nam: When I posted on their Facebook page they said their prices were:

– 50,000 VND per pill for forty 200mg pills, 2,000,000 VND total
– 100,000 VND per pill for ten 200mg pills, 1,000,000 VND total

After I posted on their page a random guy offered to halves with me on the 40 pill order so we could get a cheaper price, so that could be a way. But I just opted to get them from my friend instead.

https://www.afinilexpress.com is another website a friend told me about, but I haven’t looked into it, you can check it out.

GUIDE TO TAKING MODAFINIL

First time you do it, just take 50mg (quarter of a pill) and if you don’t feel anything an hour later, take another 50mg, but for the love of God don’t take the whole pill.

Take it first thing in the morning, on an empty stomach to feel the full effects

Take regular breaks to eat and drink water, as otherwise you’ll literally forget to. (Happened to me)

Also take regular breaks to look away from your screen, as otherwise you’ll find yourself with really sore eyes four hours in as you realise you’ve been staring intently at your macbook this entire time. (Happened to me)

Don’t take it less than 12 hours before you plan to sleep, as otherwise you won’t be able to.

Don’t take it less than 12 hours before you think you might end up having sex with someone, as some people have reported it decreases their sex drive whilst they’re on it.

If, like me, your body often doesn’t respond well to coffee, don’t drink coffee on it as you’ll experience that antsy, agitated feeling for hours. But if your body does respond well to coffee, I’ve heard that it amplifies the Modafinil even further, so you can experiment with that.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Do your own research, get a sample, and conduct your own little experiment with 50mg of it to see how you respond. It might just seriously improve your life.

Driving drunk in Saigon… regularly

“Yeah I would just drive at a hundred K’s an hour down Nguyen Thi Minh Khai without my helmet on. Loved it”
“What the fuck? How could you go that fast on Nguyen Thi Minh Khai?”
“It was late at night, no one on the streets, I’d be coming back from Bui Vien drunk off my tits”
“On your motorbike?”
“Yeah man”
“What the fuck is wrong with you? If you crashed you’d definitely have died”
“I just didn’t care back then”

This was the conversation I had with one of the standup comedians in Ho Chi Minh City in 2016.

It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard someone describe, but I too would drive drunk on my scooter from time to time.

What was my excuse?

I wasn’t suicidal like that guy clearly had been.

And in Australia I would never even dream of driving drunk.

I recall being at a party in Australia where one guy who had been drinking declared that he was going to drive the ten blocks to the university campus where he heard some chicks were at and asked if anyone wanted a lift. There was a fucking uproar of protestations. One girl demanded that he didn’t drive. Another guy tried to take the guy’s keys from him. A third person suggested that he just walk and a fourth guy even offered to pay for his taxi so he didn’t drive. When he declared that he didn’t give a shit and definitely wanted to drive I said to him “Well, if you’re gonna drive anyway, I wouldn’t mind a lift” and with the rest of the party yelling at us, he got in the car, pulled out and got one block before a police car pulled us over and arrested him.

During university I was at another party and I took a hit off of a joint that was being passed around. I wasn’t drinking, just enjoying the conversation. Then a couple of hours passed and I decided it was time to drive home. Everyone assumed I’d been drinking along with them and so at least three people asked me: “You sure dude? You can just crash here.” and I waved them away, got in my car, drove ten metres, realised that I must still be high because driving was proving very difficult, then just turned the car around and came back to sleep on a very shit couch.

After most standup comedy shows in Ho Chi Minh, the comedians will gather at a bar to drink, occasionally until four in the morning, and wouldn’t even murmur a protest when each and every member of that drinking marathon would get on a scooter to drive home.

Why is the culture regarding drink driving so different in Vietnam to Australia

Perhaps this is because when you’re driving a scooter you’re unlikely to kill anyone but yourself.

Perhaps this is because a lot of expats in Vietnam just don’t give a fuck.

After this conversation with the comedian I decided I should probably stop driving home on a scooter after 2-6 beers.

When I explained my plan to my friends, they didn’t seem to understand the concern.

Next time I went out, I got tipsy and drove home anyway.

The time after, I promised myself I wouldn’t drink, then I got tipsy and drove home, again

Next time I told my friend not to let me drink, and that I was trying not to drive after drinking. Nope.

I created plans for how I would confidently order a coke as soon as I got in and deny all requests to drink. Didn’t work either, I’d just cave to peer pressure every time.

After several more fails I eventually I concluded that the fear of merely dying from a very preventable motorbike accident wasn’t sufficient motivation to get me to drink in moderation, and so when I thought i might be tempted to even drink at all after going out, I’d just take an uber instead.

And huzzah, my problem was solved permanently with the addition of about $6 a night for my Uber fares.

Eventually, the guy who was the main instigator of my binge drinking, a hilarious guy, but a hilarious guy who absolutely insisted you drink as much as he drank, left the country for four months.

I barely drank at all for four months, having one beer and then just drinking water.

It was fine, and after he came back I was tired of his shit and extracted myself from that circle.

When the herd are drunk driving motorbikes off a cliff, consider doing something else instead.

Masculine Fashion

Is there such a thing as a “masculine style”? And when I say masculine I don’t mean the bullshit feminised reimagining of masculinity, where real men hold hands to cry and wash the dishes as foreplay, I mean traditional masculinity, you know, the one that actually has something to do with being a man instead of a woman. After following the Man in Demand conference recently, I found a guy who has an answer to this question, and I learned a lot from him.

“I am an intentional man. I live my life deliberately in all areas and this attitude is apparent in my dress and appearance. I understand that my image communicates how much respect I have for myself and how much I expect others to have for me.” – Tanner Guzy

I would like to be an intentional man who lives his life deliberately in all areas… But this attitude is not at all apparent in my dress and appearance. I wear whatever isn’t dirty (and often I even let that standard slip) and give basically no thought to the image I present to the world. I don’t even really look like a traveller, because my clothes aren’t particularly functional either. As I discovered Tanner Guzy’s website and read more, it dawned on me that I could and should seriously improve in this area.

Fashion seems like just…. such a gay endeavour. Women froth over it, clamouring to buy the clothes in the latest trend a designer has fabricated to sell new clothes which still look awful so that they can feel superior to other women who spend their money on… more important shit. It felt uncomfortable and certainly unmasculine to think too hard about what I wear.

“If you’re looking to simply be told what to wear to look good, this isn’t the site for you. In order to truly master any skill, it’s important to understand the history, the fundamentals, the implications, and the rituals. Dressing well is a skill and I believe so many men fail to get good at it because they don’t really move beyond simply trying to wear the same clothes as the men whose style they admire.” – Tanner Guzy

This was huge for me as yeah, I had no idea what made an outfit look good, beyond them fitting and something to do with colour consistency (which I didn’t understand anyway). The utterly worthless men’s magazines who discuss fashion simply tell you that you NEED to buy this $10,000 pair of jeans which we totally aren’t getting paid by the manufacturer to recommend to you. That and just a bunch of snobby shitheads explaining the superiority of some clothing over another in terms that don’t make any fucking sense. Men I relate to in no way whatsoever and who i’d probably be enthusiastic to not meet at a party.

“A man’s style is his first means of communication with the world around him. Before he even opens his mouth, he tells you what kind of man he is by the way he dresses: What he does for a living, what his habits are, how much money he makes, how much he respects himself.” – Tanner Guzy

Respect was a key paradigm shift. I certainly felt better when I put on a suit, even if it was just to go to a cafe to to get work done. One of the key differences he talks about is the priority of “aesthetics”. Simply looking pretty… Is way less important for men than it is for women. Things like social status rank much higher. One of the other key paradigm shifts I had was that the “fashion vs function” debate is stupid. All clothes are functional, even if the function is to attract a mate or to make a favourable impression by looking groomed. Social function is a thing.

I have read a lot of this guy’s material and have since completely changed how i think about clothing and my wardrobe has been completely overhauled.

To learn more check out these links

Wisdom tooth out in Vietnam

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Medical tourism is where people fly to other countries to get cheaper/better medical treatment, and often also use that cost saving to fund a whole holiday. If getting your three kid’s braces and vaccines etc. done in your home country will cost $7k but only say $2k in some country abroad… You spend the extra $5k doing whatever the fuck you want over there on an awesome holiday.

Some of the more obvious examples of people doing this are women going to Thailand to get a much cheaper boob-job. Many men might be doing the same thing to get their penises enlarged, but I don’t suppose they’re incline to tell anyone.

The main problem is… How do you know it won’t be dodgy?

I needed to get my wisdom tooth out because it was ruining my fucking life for the past few days and did some research to see what Vietnam had to offer. One of the experiences I read about described the participant going into the surgery area and noticing the tools still had someone else’s blood on them. Not a good look. As much as like self-experiments… Contracting HIV on purpose is a bit beyond my comfort zone.

I ended up settling on Starlight Dental a Clinic, up-market one in Saigon for $250 USD and it was pretty good. I’d have thought I was in Australia if everyone there wasn’t Asian and spoke with an accent.

I asked my travel insurer if they would cover it and they said no because getting your wisdom teeth out isn’t an emergency dental expense, it’s a normal dental expense. Bastards. I’ll try claim it anyway. When my friends and I went to Japan, one of them, who hadn’t gone to a dentist in years and had a habit of opening beer bottles with his teeth, had developed… Horrible cavities. He used to show us with a fork how deep the holes in his teeth were. He came up with the idea that we should just smash his teeth out with a bat and use the travel insurance to cover getting new teeth. We didn’t end up doing it… But that actually would have worked, travel insurance totally covers stuff like that.

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I’m yet to see a trend of people showing off their sexy X-Ray photos… But we might not be far off. Check out those teeth. Brilliant. The gums were over the top of my bottom left wisdom tooth though and was painful as fuck.

In Vietnam you can buy basically whatever you want from a pharmacy, no questions asked. So I didn’t need a prescription or anything for heavy pain medication. I once walked into a pharmacy to see an old couple interrogating the staff about getting Viagra, they left satisfied with the “generic one”, a happy ending.

The actual surgery itself was fine… But I can understand why people are afraid of dentists. Having your teeth worked on feels like a movie scene where NAZI scientists are doing experiments on the protagonist whilst he’s just sort of uncomfortably moaning.

I spoke to another expat who said that his dental experience in Vietnam was much nicer, mainly because the Dental assistants were quite attractive and would brush up against him as they leaned over him and such. In a country where it’s not unheard of to be offered a blow-job whilst getting a haircut perhaps there is a whole new style of dentistry that is waiting to be uncovered by an enterprising capitalist. Maybe that would cure people’s fear of dentists and lead to a much healthier society.

When they finally yanked my tooth out I actually didn’t realise they’d gotten it until my dentist showed me. Then when he asked “do you want to keep it?” I felt like he was offering me a puppy. Yes I wanted to keep it. I am still considering making a necklace out of it and seeing if anyone notices, might be a hell of a peacock. Perhaps I can claim that wearing a wisdom tooth around my neck is an expression of my spirituality. We shall see.

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